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Welcome to my website and blog.  This blog started as a vision.  I am proud to finally make it reality.  Similarly, many who struggle in addiction have a vision. The vision is one they can’t quite realize and make reality for themselves.  This blog is an effort to help others actualize the vision they may have for a life free from addiction, free from the chaos that often accompanies addictive process, and help achieve the vision of recovery.  A sober life begins living with intention (and an admittance of powerlessness).

Some Things Are Not Always As They Appear: The Sobriety Anniversary

“You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus.”

-Mark Twain


Do you know those foreground / background pictures meant to trick your eye and fool your perception - the ambiguous images with a contrast of dark and light that can be interpreted in more than one way?  One of the most famous foreground -background contrasting pictures is the old woman wearing a cloak or the young woman with the feather in her hat.  Another is the “Rubin vase” where the multiple perceptions are either the vase or the silhouette profile of two people facing each other. 


The sobriety date or “sobriety anniversary” in the marriage impacted by sexual addiction can be very similar in that way.  Sobriety dates have measure and meaning for the addict.  The date marks the progress of their recovery and can be a quantifiable measure of their hard work in recovery.  For the spouse, the anniversary date often marks the anniversary of discovery. The date marks the beginning of understanding that all they thought was, really wasn’t as it appears.  The date marks the transition into a phase of trauma, uncertainty, and feelings of a lack of safety. 

Technology and Signs of the Times:

Have you seen the AT&T commercial about the family that loses their Internet connection?  It is a farcical depiction of what it might be like if your Internet goes down and how AT&T can save you from such horrors.  The wife runs in breathless to her husband and asks, “Is the internet back on yet?”  He answers in a deranged mental state with imaginary typing “Yeah-ssss!”.  The scene flashes to“19 minutes without Internet”.  The husband sits on the couch in almost a despondent and catatonic state while the wife, in hysterics, is trying to communicate a “like” on her friend’s Facebook page, to no avail.  Scene change:  Minute 22 without the Internet.  The husband is lying on the kitchen floor in front of the sink recalling fond memories of internet use.  He is in a sweaty state of Internet Withdrawal as the wife applies cold compresses to his forehead.  She comforts him.  Scene change:  Minute 27.  The husband appears out of the upstairs window while shooting an emergency flare and angrily yelling “We are over here!” to the imagined beings that might help save them and restore internet power.


Farcical commercial?  Or comedy imitates real life?   How internet-dependent have we have become? 

Achieving Recovery Success: Willpower vs. Habit

"Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality."--  Abraham Lincoln

By now the resolutions, that most people had set to enter 2016, have begun to fade.  Goals and New Year’s resolutions are great for vision, but lack the mechanics to get one to successful completion.  

Sustained successful recovery cannot be attained with vision or willpower alone. Willpower is the unwavering strength to carry out one’s wishes. Willpower is instinctual but needs help to be sustained.  This is where mastery of self-control, repeated over time creates sustained successful recovery.  If addiction is “habits to the bad”, successful recovery is “creating habits to the good”.  “Pushing the dark out” is hard.  “Inviting the light in” is so much easier.