You are hereSpouse Recovery
Welcome to my website and blog. This blog started as a vision. I am proud to finally make it reality. Similarly, many who struggle in addiction have a vision. The vision is one they can’t quite realize and make reality for themselves. This blog is an effort to help others actualize the vision they may have for a life free from addiction, free from the chaos that often accompanies addictive process, and help achieve the vision of recovery. A sober life begins living with intention (and an admittance of powerlessness).
"Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality." Abraham Lincoln
Couples recovery is difficult in the aftermath of sexual betrayal. The repair process can be a long and winding road. Trust is blown in the marriage impacted by addiction. Fear is at an all time high on the part of both parties. What a betrayed spouse thought was about their marriage, isn’t. Initially repair feels like an insurmountable mountain to climb. Anger, rage, fear and feelings of grief on the part of the betrayed spouse run high. For the addict’s part, initially, they feel a whole lot of fear and shame. The betrayed spouse tries to get at the truth and is approaching someone who has been hiding the truth of a somewhat secret and hidden life, sometimes for years. The tools to right the sinking ship are lacking in the beginning days.
The ability to live honestly, truthfully, and with integrity is necessary. How do you get there from here?
Recovery wisdom advises: Never allow yourself to get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, (HALT). On this morning’s 6-mile run, with my run partner out of town and running on less sleep than normal, I was hitting 2 out of 4 of the precautionary directives. If I let my mind wander to “I have to do 6 miles today” the run seemed like an impossible task. I wanted to walk. I wanted to slow down. My thoughts entered the realm of “stinking thinking” and the dreaded “I can’t do this”. Ughhh. I was tired. I was alone. I didn’t have my music. I was becoming bored. All the tell-tale signs of the wheels falling off the bus were at-risk for coming into play.
"If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you. The pain of making the necessary sacrifices always hurts more than you think it's going to. I know. It sucks. That being said, doing something seriously creative is one of the most amazing experiences one can have, in this or any other lifetime. If you can pull it off, it's worth it. Even if you don't end up pulling it off, you'll learn many incredible, magical, valuable things. It's NOT doing it when you know you full well you HAD the opportunity- that hurts FAR more than any failure."
- Hugh MacLeod